What The Statistics Don't Tell Us About Single Fathers And Fatherhood
By Tisania Smith
We rely on statistics to tell us about other people's lives and experiences. We fail to realize how these numbers cast a shadow over those who fall through the cracks, the few people who don’t have a category because there just isn’t enough.
In 2020, there were 1.78 million single Canadian families. The absence of fatherhood is something that has been talked about for so long, without actually being talked about. Society has made their assumptions, drawn up their conclusions, and disregarded any possibility of positivity amongst these households and within the minds of the children.
“Being born into a life without my biological father, statistically I was supposed to have a horrible image of men but because of the men who stepped up in my biological fathers footsteps, I could not feel more loved and cared for, '' said Maddie, a young woman from Toronto.
The unfortunate fact is that she is right, statistically, she isn’t expected to succeed in long term relationships, primarily marital ones.
A father with his son on the bus. (Courtesy of Canva)
Maddie, 21, grew up around men who didn’t provide her with a good example of commitment. She is not only more likely to get a divorce later in life, but studies have shown that she is more likely to have a child out of wedlock, as a result of her absent biological father.
“[...] My issues with trusting men are definitely there in a sense, but I know that there will be a man I can trust, the way I trust the father figures in my life now,” said Maddie.
Regardless of the graphs and numbers, Maddie strives to develop a loving marital relationship without kids simply because of the normalization of child abandonment that she has experienced.
On the flip side, Breanne has had her father present throughout her lifetime. However, their relationship is so strained that it fueled a sense of motivation within her to seek better dynamics amongst her romantic relationships.
“I definitely feel like I'm afraid of men because I've seen how singlehandedly destructive they can be. but in a weird way it’s also made me much more romantic and loving , probably because I wasn't raised in an area where there was much love,” said Breanne.
Society has decided for Breanne that as a result of her dynamic, she will struggle in communicating and trusting romantic partners, as well as be hesitant to open up in fear of abandonment. Despite the studies and the numbers, Breanne has grown into an intimate person, something she recognizes within herself as a result of her childhood circumstances.
A father with his son. (Courtesy of Canva)
Assumptions have continued to be made about the strength between fathers and sons, primarily in black households. The stigma associated with absent black fathers has been fueled by situations within history, creating disconnected homes.
When welfare was introduced in the 1960s as a result of the Great Society Program, mothers were tempted and fathers were deemed inadequate. This isn’t the root cause, but it's a contributor. To fully understand the stigma, we need to fully understand the truth about single parent households.
Wayne, 20, has grown up with his father only and has been lucky enough to create a bond that cannot be broken.
“I feel blessed knowing I have not only a dad but a mentor and knowing someone who can relate to me and share similar stories and help me is comforting,” said Wayne.
To see a black father care for his black son may be surprising to some people in society, but for Wayne, it's all he knows. Approximately 333,000 Canadian families are led by single dads. The assumption that men are incapable of stepping up to the plate must be diminished, especially after entering Wayne’s world.
“At the end of the day I respect my dad and how he raised me because I am happy with myself,” said Wayne.
A father holding his newborn daughter. (Courtesy of Canva)
Parents are the greatest superheroes. Whether they are single or a couple, marginalized or a minority, parents have the hardest job and society just continues to make it harder.
Households aren’t defined by numbers, but by what's actually happening within them. Neither are kids. Happy Fathers day to all the fathers, single mothers, and hard working parents out there that had no idea what they were getting themselves into, but loved every second of it anyways.
